Opinion- What does it mean to be a good person, anyway?
Hello and thank you for reading this.
What Does It Mean to Be a Good Person?
“You always say you help good people lead great things. What does that actually mean?”
She asked, half smiling, like she wasn’t expecting a real answer.
But I paused.
“Honestly? I think it means staying true to what matters. Even when it costs you something. Especially then.”
“So… not just being nice?”
“God, no. Not just nice. Not just agreeable. Actually good.”
She tilted her head. “Okay. But what is a good person, really?”
I imagine that question being asked of me, many times over.
I work with good people…
I talk a lot about good people. I say I work with them. That I coach them and that we need more of them to rise to the top.
We need their steadiness. Their ethics. Their invisible backbone.
And I mourn their burnout when systems ask too much of them and return too little.
But I realise that you can’t help ‘them’ - if you cant define who ‘them’ is. So here’s me having a go.
A Simple Phrase, A Complicated Truth
The phrase “good person” sounds quaint. Almost soft. But in practice, it’s anything but.
In some environments, being good means following the rules.
In others, it means putting everyone else first.
Sometimes it just means not making waves.
But I believe that being good is something very different and purposeful.
So I went looking. Across faith. Across philosophy. Across psychology.
Across the best of coaching, leadership, and lived experience. And I started to notice something.
There are patterns. There are traits that show up again and again.
Not as commandments, but as lived qualities.
Six key traits which keep showing up.
They aren’t boxes to tick.
They’re practices to live into.
Each one is simple. None of them is easy.
And when I look at the people I admire most, when I look at the people I work with who deliver the great things and when I look into who I want to be most; these are always there.
Six Traits That Keep Showing Up
These are the 6 traits I see show up repeatedly. What do you think and what would you add?
Integrity
The quiet alignment between your inner compass and your outer choices.
There’s a line in the Sikh scriptures that says:
“He who is of a calm and happy nature and who performs actions in accordance with the true Guru’s teachings, is truly spiritual.” - Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 297
Integrity isn’t loud. It’s not about posture or perfection.
It’s what you do when no one is watching.
Living aligned. Speaking honestly. Acting truthfully.
I’ve coached leaders through moments when integrity cost them promotion, applause, or popularity.
But I’ve never once seen it cost them peace.
And what do good people do when no one is watching?
They own their mistakes, even if no one else saw them.
Integrity means being accountable without an audience.They keep promises made only to themselves.
Integrity is showing up for your inner commitments, not just your public ones.They do the right thing when no one will ever know.
Integrity isn’t about being seen as good - it’s about being good, quietly.
2. Compassion
The second trait, is courage - the courage to feel with others and act with care.
Immanuel Kant wrote that we should never treat people as means to an end, but as ends in themselves.
That is compassion as principle. Not just sentiment.
Not “being nice.”
But choosing justice over comfort. Presence over performance.
When I think of presence, I think of the clients who have said (Paraphrased).
“I’m learning to walk into hard conversations, where they are what the other person needs - not what I need”.
“I delayed a decision that would hit our numbers because I realised we hadn’t understood the human cost yet.”
“They were underperforming, and instead of writing them off, I asked what had changed in their life.”
That’s compassion in motion.
3. Humility
For me, humility is a grounded sense of self. Not smaller. Not bigger. Just honest.
Carl Rogers once said: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Many confuse humility with shrinking. With apologising for their space.
But I’ve come to see it as emotional honesty.
Good people don’t pretend to have all the answers.
They listen. They admit when they’re wrong.
They leave room for others to be wise.
That’s not weakness. Its strength without armour.
But it isnt about diminishing oneself; it’s knowing your limitations but still choosing top push on or draw in the help of others because of an acknowledgement of the importance of the cause.
Take the leadership team who admit they ‘got it wrong’ - and invited those most impacted to help shape what comes next - That’s humility in motion.
Or the team who paused the rollout, not because they had to, but because new voices raised concerns they hadn’t considered - That’s humility in motion.
And the leader who brought in other voices - not for optics, but because they knew their perspective was limited and because they recognised that their past success didn’t guarantee future relevance - That’s humility in motion.
4. Courage
The fourth trait I see, in my work and in my reading, is courage - the willingness to live your values, even when it comes at a cost.
Ron Heifetz, in his work on adaptive leadership, said that a part of leadership “…is disappointing your own people at a rate they can absorb.”
It sounds harsh. But it’s true.
Courage is not about bold gestures for show.
It’s about staying when it’s easier to walk.
Speaking when silence would serve you better.
Telling the truth in a room that leans toward comfort.
I’ve seen people lead with courage by saying “we cannot do that because…”
By saying “I don’t know.”
By standing alone for what is right when popular wisdom or limiting belief says '“we should do this instead”.
It doesnt always have to be dramatic. But it is nearly always brave. And that is courage in motion.
5. Responsibility
Responsibility, is trait number 5. Not just for your intent. But for your impact.
Best summed up in the explanation of the bias good people do not have. Self serving bias.
Self serving bias, is the psychological tendency to credit oneself for successes while deflecting responsibility for failures by blaming external circumstances. Described by social psychologist Albert Bandura, as “a protective mechanism to maintain self-efficacy and esteem in the face of adversity.”
In the short term, deflection may help an individual navigate an emotional challenge, it also distorts reality, often leading to skewed perceptions and flawed decision-making.
Owning your impact means not hiding behind “good intentions.”
It means staying in the room after harm is done.
It means choosing to repair, not just explain.
It also means noticing your power and how it lands on others - and holding that power with care.
I would go as far as to say that those who habitually blame external factors limit their own capacity to lead and one of the hardest and most liberating shifts I’ve seen in coaching is when someone stops trying to be blameless and starts choosing to be accountable.
When blameless conversations open up between a ‘leader;’ and their team. The ‘leader’ becomes a leader in the eyes of those they serve.
Leaders who take responsibility; are well thought of because they, follow through to conclusion. Say ‘I will,’ when no one else does. And accept ‘If it goes wrong, it’s on my head.’ when they have had the bravery to push forward in a certain direction - because values told them they should.
That’s responsibility in motion.
6. Presence
The 6th and current final trait is Presence; the practice of being fully here. With yourself. With others. With the moment.
Simone Weil once said: “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”
I feel that in my bones.
This is what coaching and what good people leading are made of.
Presence is not just mindfulness.
It is far more than mindfulness. It is the conscious choice to move beyond autopilot - to truly notice, listen, and respond with depth rather than reflex. It is the difference between ticking performance boxes and nurturing real people.
I’ve seen leaders embody presence in powerful ways. Like the manager who listens fully during one-to-one’s, sensing not only what is spoken but also the emotions left unspoken. They ask thoughtful questions that invite their team member to explore what’s really going on beneath the surface.
Or the director who holds difficult conversations with calm attentiveness, creating space for complexity AND emotion, instead of rushing to control the outcome or gloss over discomfort.
And the manager who notices early signs of burnout or disengagement - not through numbers alone but through genuine attention to the mood and energy in the room - and then takes deliberate, caring action to support their team’s wellbeing.
In a world built for distraction, this kind of presence is a radical act of deep care. It reminds us that leadership is not just about results, but about the people who make those results possible.
Goodness in Complexity
And still, even with these 6 traits; goodness is not a checklist. It is a living, evolving practice shaped by complexity.
There are moments when compassion and courage must sit beside discernment.
When justice and humility need to share the same sentence.
When there is no clear right answer - only a wiser response.
Aristotle called this phronesis.
Practical wisdom.
Not just knowing what is right in theory, but applying it with care and context.
In leadership, this shows up in the pause before action.
In the ability to hold tension.
In the willingness to ask, “What is needed here?” - goodness Beyond the Individual
Many traditions remind us that goodness is not just about personal virtue. It is about the world we help create.
In Sikhi, the concept of seva calls us to selfless service.
In Jewish ethics, tikkun olam asks us to repair the world.
Audre Lorde reminds us, “Without community, there is no liberation.”
A good person does not stop at being kind.
They confront harm.
They use their position, however humble or high, to uplift others.
Goodness is not performance. It is response.
This is what good people bring and this presence is why we need more of them, more people like you, to rise to the top.
What Goodness Is Not
We’ve looked at what goodness is; but what about what it is not?
We are often taught that being good means being agreeable.
But that is not goodness. That is erasure.
So let me say it clearly:
Nice is not good.
Niceness avoids discomfort.
People pleasing is not good.
It is often fear dressed up as care.
Polite is not good.
Politeness can preserve injustice.
Martyrdom is not good.
Sacrifice is not always service.
Real goodness has backbone. Because goodness is a positive act.
A Living Definition
So what what about a definition?
For me; a good person is someone who
…aligns their inner truth with outer action. Someone who acts with compassion and courage.
Who takes responsibility for their impact. And remembers they are part of something bigger than themselves.
But goodness does not stop at personal integrity.
It is how we relate to power. To the planet. To people who do not share our story.
It is how we hold the tension between care and confrontation, between belonging and truth.
Sometimes, being good means being disruptive.
Sometimes, it means being still when the world demands noise.
Good people are not perfect. They are not saints.
They are practicing. Daily.
What It Looks Like in Motion
A Good Leader
Names the hard thing when silence would serve them more.
Holds power without ego.
Invests in their team’s growth, not just their output.
Says “I got it wrong” and means it.
That is integrity, courage, and responsibility in motion.
A Good Parent
Listens past the tantrum.
Apologises when they shout.
Holds a boundary and a hand at the same time.
Does not need to be the hero - just there.
That is compassion, humility, and presence in motion.
A Good Partner
Asks what is underneath the silence.
Does not weaponise honesty.
Stays when it is hard. Leaves gently when staying would cause harm.
Remembers love is a practice, not a feeling.
That is congruence, care, and courage in motion.
Why It Matters
In a world hungry for performance, applause, and control; it is radical to simply be a good person.
To stay honest.
To live awake.
To lead from something deeper than ego or image.
That is why I say: I help good people lead great things.
Because goodness, rightly understood, is not weakness.
It is the root of all real and lasting impact.
We know the absence of goodness when we see it - especially in leadership.
It shows up in leaders who confuse image with integrity. Who bend truth to preserve power. Who perform empathy while protecting only their own. It’s there in the polished charisma of a CEO who champions mental health while burning through their team. In the politician who speaks of unity while scapegoating the vulnerable. In the influencer who profits from virtue without doing the work.
These aren’t just individual failings. They are a betrayal of interdependence - of the deep moral truth that we rise and fall together. And they remind us that goodness without courage is compliance. Goodness without justice is convenience.
And we have partly destroyed a planet based upon convenience. Good people lean into the inconvenience of truth and act for the whole.
That is why I work with good people and even the ones who might have lost their way.
What Comes Next
And then she circled back, grinning.
“Okay, I read the blog” she said “It’s good. But if you’re serious about this ‘good people leading great things’ thing - don’t you need to define what great things are too?”
“yes” I reply.
And thats exactly what I’ll do in the next few posts:
What a “great thing” really is
Why good people should lead them
How to do it without burning out, numbing out, or selling out
And where it matters most - in organisations, movements, families, and futures
If you’ve ever wondered whether goodness still stands a chance - stay with me.
There’s more to come.
Questions for Reflection
Before you scroll on, take a moment. Sit with these questions - not as theory, but as invitations to reflect.
For those who lead with care, courage, and conscience:
Where are you already living your values - even when it costs you something?
And where might it be time to speak more honestly, act more boldly, or stay more fully?
For those building bridges across difference:
What part are you playing in shaping more human, more just, more inclusive systems?
Whether you’re leading from the front or holding space quietly - your presence matters.
And for all of us:
What would shift if you saw goodness not as softness - but as strength?
What would become possible if integrity, compassion, and courage were your leadership metrics?
I Would Love to Hear From You
I do not ask these questions lightly - and I do not pretend to have all the answers.
But I believe we need more spaces for this kind of reflection.
So if something here resonates, challenges, or stays with you - I would love to know.
What does being a good person mean to you?
What makes something worth calling a “great thing”?
Let’s keep this conversation alive.
Together, we just might build something deeper.
Stefan
Sources Which Informed This:
Guru Granth Sahib - core text of Sikhism
Immanuel Kant - Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals
Carl Rogers - On Becoming a Person
Simone Weil - Gravity and Grace
Ron Heifetz - The Practice of Adaptive Leadership
Center for Creative Leadership - The Lessons of Experience
‘Enjoyed’ reading this? Consider doing one of these:
Sign up to my newsletter ‘Be The Waves” here - which collates each weeks long form post on a monthly basis and you’ll get to read it later in the month
Get in touch - If any of this topic resonated with you and you have something you’d like to share with me or if you’d like to discuss working with me on this topic - stefan@stefanpowell.co.uk works really well for me.
Connect with me on linked in and read my long form posts on the rotating topics of Work, Rest. Play, Sustenance and Love every Thursday
Book an inquisitive session with me to find out more about what I do and how I do it or run a challenge or thought you have passed me.
I look forward to sharing my next OPINION blog soon.
For now; thank you
I am…
An executive coach who specialises in helping good people lead great things.
Good people care about others, our planet and beauty. Great things are changes for the betterment of society and all that lives within an around it.
It sounds big and fun - it is.
I'm also an endurance racing cyclist and a go. getter.
You can read more about me and what I do; how I work here