Opinion: When the Tears Come
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Opinion: When the Tears Come: Rachel Reeves, Emotional Honesty, and What Leadership Really Reveals
It was a moment that lasted seconds. But its echoes have lasted days.
Rachel Reeves wiped away tears in Parliament this week.
Not a breakdown. Not a speech. Just a human moment - visible, brief, and real.
And still, the reaction was immediate and intense.
Headlines. Speculation. Accusations.
Even calls for her to step down.
Not because of what she said. Not because of how she performed.
But because she cried.
Letting it out - not letting go
When I saw it, I didn’t see weakness.
I saw someone letting something move through her. Maybe even choosing to let it out before it buried itself too deep.
I’ve coached leaders who’ve cried in sessions with me - and then apologised.
As if they’d failed somehow.
I’ve stood beside leaders who’ve cried as they spoke from the heart to the teams they care about.
And I’ve cried myself.
Not out of collapse (although that has happened inside work too).
But out of care.
Because when something matters to you, it shows.
And when it shows, we shouldn’t punish that - we should pay attention.
What follows matters more than what shows
Her team later said it was “a personal matter.”
And maybe it was.
But even that phrasing tells us something.
In trying to protect her, it also unintentionally reinforces a bias:
That emotion belongs in the personal realm - not the professional one.
That if the tears were about the work, that would be unacceptable.
That leadership can’t make room for that kind of humanity.
It’s a PR-safe line.
But it’s also a cultural signal.
One that quietly says: “Feelings are fine - as long as they stay outside the job.”
The truth is: we don’t really know why she cried.
Not fully.
And maybe we never will.
But that’s not the point.
The gendered weight of tears
A male Chancellor might be questioned for competence in the same moment - but might also be applauded for authenticity or “bravery” in showing emotion.
Whereas women often face a compounded judgment:
Too emotional = unfit.
We need to talk about that.
In many workplaces, emotional expression - especially in women - is still unconsciously coded as a loss of control.
And when that emotion is seen, especially in public, it’s often followed by judgement.
Psychology tells us that when emotion meets scrutiny, shame follows - not for what was felt, but for being seen.
I’ve experienced that too.
Even as a male leader, I’ve felt the quiet disapproval that can follow when you show too much care.
Not for breaking down, but for caring openly - about people, and about the work.
We say we want human leaders.
But sometimes, we punish them for showing up as humans.
Where narrative fails, noise creeps in
Let me be clear: I’m not questioning Rachel Reeves’ ability to do her job.
That’s about performance, delivery, and outcomes - OKRs and KPIs, not tears.
What I am pointing to is this:
Emotion doesn’t weaken leadership - but a vacuum of narrative afterwards can.
Without meaning, without words, without human framing, the moment lingers in ambiguity.
And ambiguity invites speculation, not trust.
Reeves has since returned to the spotlight - appearing at an NHS launch with Keir Starmer, affirming that she’s “cracking on with the job.”
I understand the instinct behind that phrase.
But to me, it only reinforces the problem.
“Cracking on” isn’t a narrative.
For me, whilst potentially stoic, it speaks more as a defence. A deflection.
A way to move past discomfort without making meaning of it.
And when that’s all we’re offered, the space around the emotion remains wide open - for interpretation, projection, or doubt.
We don’t need spin. We don’t need theatre.
But we do need something real.
Because in leadership, the silence after the tears can be just as loud.
And ‘cracking on’ is silence; we silence women too much. As we do emotion regardless of gender.
Your instinct will leak through
Whether your first response is critique or compassion…
That instinct comes from somewhere.
What have you been taught about emotion?
What are you afraid of when someone else shows theirs?
What stories - unspoken or inherited - live just beneath your reaction?
Because whether you realise it or not,
how you respond to emotion in others will leak through in your leadership.
In tone. In timing. In what you reward or dismiss.
In whether your team feels safe to bring their whole selves - or not at all.
So what now?
Keir Starmer did eventually offer public support.
His team said Rachel Reeves is “going nowhere.”
That she has his full backing.
But it didn’t appear to be his first instinct.
And maybe that’s the problem.
We’ll never know what really happened in that moment.
But it made me wonder: what would my first instinct be? What would yours?
When someone breaks down - visibly, publicly:
Do we reach first for grace, or for control?
For reassurance, or reputation?
It’s the difference between presence and performance.
Between saving face and offering grace.
Rachel Reeves hasn’t shared her own story of that moment.
And that’s her choice to make.
But here’s the paradox:
Not finding a narrative that’s authentic and can be spoken
is where leadership looks loose.
When visible emotion isn’t followed by a clear, grounded story - one that helps people understand rather than speculate. Assumptions creep in. Control stories rush to fill the silence.
Emotion needs space. But it also needs story.
Not spin. Not damage control.
Just language. Meaning. Humanity.
And maybe… a better set of questions
Have you ever cried at work?
What did you need?
And did you get it?
I’d welcome your thoughts
Stefan
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I am…
An executive coach who specialises in helping good people lead great things.
Good people care about others, our planet and beauty. Great things are changes for the betterment of society and all that lives within an around it.
It sounds big and fun - it is.
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